Life can be tough. Most Christian singles would agree. There’s always lots of pressure, and it comes from everyone – those you know, and some you don’t.
The society you and I live in is influenced by many diverse events that shape our perceptions of reality and normal. In everything from fashion and family life to dating, love and relationships, it’s tough not to be influenced by generally accepted practices accepted by the large majority of people who may not always hold Christian values in high esteem.
Growing up in a world where most people are choosing to reject God can be tough. That already means you’re against the grain, the minority, so to speak. Everything you stand for sticks out as being the unpopular view. Being single – and a Christian single at that – can be your life’s toughest mission.
Onward Christian Singles, Marching As To War
Forgive the drama in that heading, but it really is a war. There’s a war on your mind, your beliefs and your convictions to stay true to Christ in a sinful world. There is a certain resolve, like that of a soldier, that you must have if you will win in this ever-raging tumult.
[click_to_tweet tweet=”The Word of God will not change simply because the world is changing.” quote=”The Word of God will not change simply because the world is changing.”]
Because God doesn’t plan to change His Word anytime soon, there needs to be a resolve to live according to His Word no matter what is wooing us away.
Here’s 5 crucial facts Christian singles – men and women alike – need to remind themselves of, often and always.
1. You Are Not Married
That used to go without saying, but now it needs to be said.
Remember, that as a single man or woman, you are single, not married. It’s important to put it side by side with marriage or you risk losing sight of what it means to be single.
Too often, we hear the words, “But we love each other”, “We’re not hurting anybody else; this is our own decision” and “We will get married anyway”, every time some Christians compromise on the Bible’s standards of singleness, godliness and purity.
The Bible has clear limits for what is allowed for a single man or woman in Christ and what is reserved for married couples. Simply saying you’re single doesn’t cut it anymore, because so much has been blurred along the lines of personal liberty and self gratification, that you need to place the high standard of marriage alongside it, as a reminder that those thing that are now seen as okay for single people actually belong to another group – the married.
Sex is one of those things that has quickly moved from being reserved for the married, to being permissible for the singles, to now being expected even after the casual outing or blind date. There is little restraint, less self control.
How quickly the standards have eroded.
Always remember: you are not married. You’re single. That will force you to remember the distinction between the two, and keep to your side of the fence safely according to God’s Word.
2. Your First Priority is to God
If you’re a Christian, God is always your priority. That goes without saying. For Christian singles, though, it seems that would be even more the case.
The Bible does tell us that being single has a unique advantage that you can care fully and without distraction for the things of God. That is no longer the case when you’re married.
Of course you’re devoted to God then too, or should be, but really, marriage brings certain responsibilities – and rightly so – that often take away from your time altogether, and consequently your unwavering devotion to God. It’s just the way it is.
Being single is that time to give yourself and your abilities fully to serving God. That’s really the time, before the cumber of a relationship comes into play. Sometimes, the best times you’ll invest in prayer, the study of God’s Word and evangelism, among other Christian will be while you’re single.
In the experience of most people, when you’re no longer single, it’s not as easy to do the things you once did. Unfortunate, but it’s a harsh reality.
That’s why you need to spend and be spent for the Lord while you’re single. That’s the time to do so. Give yourself to prayer, Bible study and service in God’s house like it’s all you have to do. Believe me, that’s the time to do it.
3. You Need To Discover Yourself… Quickly.
Being single is a short time. More than likely, you’ll spend a lot more time being married than being single. Because of that, it’s important to know what to do within that special time of your life.
Being single is about setting a course for your life. It’s the time that you have to yourself, and that’s the time to figure out who you are, and who you want to be in life.
That’s important, because it is that person you discover, that you’ll want to share if you get married.
Many times, people take lightly the time of being single. A lot of the soul searching, discovery, self worth and personal development that needs to happen at that time gets rushed over in the pursuit of an attachment or relationship.
Because of this, there are many in relationships who don’t even know who they are. Forget about knowing the other person if you don’t even know yourself. You can’t understand the other person if you don’t know yourself.
[click_to_tweet tweet=”The you that you discover when you’re single is the you that you share when you’re married.” quote=”The you that you discover when you’re single is the you that you share when you’re married.”]
Single time is the much needed me time for everyone. Take it. Remember, you’re single for a reason and you’ll be married at some point for another reason. Take the time to figure out who you are, what you’re like and the kind of person you want to be. It’s the time to set a course for your life and purpose on earth. Use it wisely.
4. Love Is A Decision, Not A Feeling Or An Event
We’re not going to talk about all the different kinds of love and what each one means. We could, but we’re not. Maybe another time.
What we’ll do, though, is understand that although emotions, feelings and affection are an important part of love, it’s not the most important.
[click_to_tweet tweet=”The most important part of love is the decision you make to love.” quote=”The most important part of love is the decision you make to love.”]
Feelings are quite fickle; they are fleeting, often circumstantial and it’s a known fact that you won’t always feel the best in your relationship or marriage, even for the person that you know you love.
Love is a permanent decision, not a temporary feeling or emotion.
How do you know you love them, then? By the decision you made to do so. That decision is a rational, declared stand and firm choice to be committed to someone because you choose to. The love that counts, that makes a difference, is the love that came of decision and not just desire.
[click_to_tweet tweet=”Real love is not an uncontrollable emotion, but a conscious decision.” quote=”Real love is not an uncontrollable emotion, but a conscious decision.”]
Real love is always a choice.
You choose to be there for someone. You choose to always find a way to forgive them even when they’ve offended you. You choose to make excuses for them rather than blame them when you don’t know their reasons for doing things that hurt you. You choose to see the best in them no matter what. You… choose.
It’s all a decision you take, to prefer someone and give them the kind of treatment that goes beyond themselves.
5. Enjoy Being Single; It Will Not Be Forever
Now ain’t that the truth! It’s not forever.
That is good and bad news for many at the same time. It’s good news, because then it means it will end, and you will eventually marry a man or woman you love and respect. It’s bad news, because you will eventually marry someone.
Either way, it’s up to you to enjoy yourself. There are ways you enjoy your life and have good, clean fun when you’re single, that you’ll never have when you’re in a relationship or married. You need to make the most of those.
Go out; live a happy life. Make a difference in other people’s lives and be fulfilled. That’s the way to enjoy your single life. When it’s time to get into a relationship, you’ll be happy, healthy, purposeful and aware of who you are, and more importantly, who Christ is in you.
You’ll be better company, believe me.
Now let me put this waaaay down here at the end. So especially with the last point, someone reached out when this article was first published and said I made it sound like marriage was the ultimate goal for everyone and that it seemed I was suggesting it’s not OK to remain single.
That’s not it at all. This article is perhaps targeted at people who are single but who are interested in and would like to be married at some point. I dare say that number is still in the majority.
So, if you’re not really thinking about getting married or you don’t think you have to be, that’s fine too. Just understand that this was more for a certain group of people.
Whatever your thoughts about being single or wanting to be married, there are important things you need to do to have a great life. Start right and you will be on your way to ending right!
Anything else you’d like to add to this list? What’s your personal always-remember-this item? Kindly drop a note in the comments!